By Molly Flinkman
@molly_flinkman

Please fill out the following questionnaire. Answer all questions as completely and honestly as possible.

1.) What new things is your child doing?

How much time do you have?

He got a sandbox digger for his birthday—the kind you sit on and operate with both hands. It took him very little time to figure it out, and now he can often be found making worksites, houses, or just your basic “big, big, BIG hole.” He drives the pontoon boat with his dad sometimes—yes, he always wears a life jacket—and didn’t even cry when he got a buzz cut last week. He is pretty much an expert on a two-wheel bicycle by now—yes, he always wears a helmet—and can flawlessly execute a three-point turn in that electric Jeep I told you about from last year’s birthday. He’ll go to school for the first time this fall, and I can’t even predict all the ways he’ll grow and change and learn there. He’s ready. I can’t believe how ready he is. 

Answer: Rides a two-wheel bicycle, copies letters after he’s shown, draws people

2.) Can your child hop on one foot?

You know, I have never actually thought to ask. He’s the fourth kid—the last one—you know, so when it comes to developmental milestones, I don’t actually remember what any of them are. Our oldest could definitely hop on one foot at age four, and I’m sure the next kid could too. After that, I sort of lost track. I am certain he probably can. I know you’ll ask him when you get in here, so I guess we’ll find out for sure then.

Answer: Yes

3.) Can your child write his own name?

Honestly? I’m not even sure he could name four letters from the alphabet. A while back, I gave his older sister the letter flashcards I made by hand when she was two and told her she should practice with him. Let me talk to her again. She’s a really good teacher. I’m sure he’ll have it down in no time. It’s only four letters, after all.

Answer: No

4.) Can your child tell stories?

Actually, just the other day, he told me a great one about how his sister once “rided” on a cloud.

“I think she was just lying,” he said. “I think she was just joking.” 

But then he wondered how she would get on a cloud. 

“Maybe with a tall, tall, tall, tall, tall, ladder. Or maybe a cloud was so low that she could jump on top of it. Or maybe she just flew up on it.”

He talked it all through with me on the front porch over ham sandwiches. Church bells rang in the background, and I wanted to freeze time in that moment and bottle up his tiny voice and clear imagination. When did time start moving so fast? 

Answer: Yes

5.) What dietary restrictions does your child have, if any?

He has a few aversions: broken graham crackers, orange fruit snacks, and mustard (depending on the day). He often asks for milk but then only takes one drink out of every cup. He likes hamburgers but not tacos, cheese sandwiches but not grilled cheese, and macaroni and cheese but only if it’s freshly cooked. Also, under no circumstances should he ever be handed a melonberry-flavored Go-Gurt.

Answer: None

6.) How many servings of fruits and vegetables does your child eat each day?

Does peach yogurt count? What about green pea crisps? Can cherry tomatoes be considered vegetables, and is it possible for a child to eat too many of them in one sitting? He’ll eat green beans and broccoli only if he gets to eat applesauce when he’s finished. The oldest kids ate vegetables twice a day, without fail, but these days, it’s easier to skip the vegetables because I need to get everyone out the door without finalizing a collective bargaining agreement around how many spoonfuls of corn is fair.

Answer: 4-6

7.) How many times a week does your child eat takeout or fast food?

Before I had kids, I swore I would never get our kids fast food. You know, that old chestnut. We get McDonald’s sometimes and Wendy’s sometimes too. Also, we stop at Jimmy John’s almost every Sunday after church because all our kids like their ham sandwiches, and I don’t have to be the one to make them lunch. Do you know about the Little John’s sandwich option? It’s been a real game changer for us. I do worry about the processed meat sometimes. Should I worry so much about processed meat? Also, does dining in at our local Mexican restaurant fall under this category? 

Answer: 0-1

8.) In a usual day, how much time does your child spend in front of a screen for non-school related activities?

Okay, listen. “Usual day” is relative around our house.

If my husband is home, there is always something active to do—wrestling or woodwork or outdoor hobbies. To put it plainly, my husband is more fun than me. He works shifts, so when he is home, he is home for a full day, doing things the kids like doing. When he works, he is gone for a full day, and they are left with me. My day-to-day tasks are a little more mundane and also I like quiet activities like puzzles and reading books. I can only hold off this highly active boy for so long. Eventually, he wears me down. He especially likes to play PBS Kids games on my phone. Also sometimes my husband works full weekends at a time, and you must be able to guess what that’s like with four stir-crazy kids in the house. We watched the full second season of Bluey in one sitting the day it was released. I called it quality time because I watched—and loved—all of them too. The next day, I took them to the pool, and we forgot about screens except for the lenses on our swim goggles.

It all evens out, right? The days with more screen time versus the days without? 

Answer: 46-90 minutes 

9.) What would you like to help your child change right now? 

I wish he wasn’t so quick to, well, rage, but that change probably starts with me and my own short fuse. Come to think of it, I wonder how many of the habits I would like him to change should also be changed in me. He watches me all day long—learns from my example whether I am actively thinking about it or not. The other day, I heard him say, “Look at me,” to his brother in a cadence that could have come straight from my lips as well. There are a lot of things I want to change. We will work through them together. 

Answer: Eat more fruits and vegetables

10.) How much stress are you and your family under right now? 

The questions come when I think about him growing up and experiencing life away from me. 

Have I told him enough times how wonderful and special and deeply loved he is?
Will he remember the quiet hugs over my short temper?
Have I appreciated these little years of time together as best I could?
Did he get enough of my undivided attention?

The last question haunts me. There are four kids here, and it often feels impossible to pay enough attention to each one. I find myself praying at night that the small moments will add up—that God will somehow multiply them in our kids. 

A few days ago, our family sang our littlest guy “Happy Birthday,” and the candles in his blackberry icebox cake illuminated the smile on his face. He laughed a deep, joy-filled laugh in the middle of the song. I could listen to that laugh every day of the rest of my life. The sound of it—full and unabated—quiets the questions. 

Keep on. Keep on. Keep on, the moment reminds me. All of this matters.

Answer: None

Molly Flinkman is a freelance writer from central Iowa where she lives with her husband, Jake, and their four kids. A lover of houseplants, good books, and (in a surprising turn of events) bright colors, she loves to write about how her faith intersects the very ordinary aspects of her life and hopes her words will encourage and support other women along the way. You can connect with Molly on Instagram, through her monthly newsletter, Twenty Somethings, or on her Substack, Common Stories.