By Simone Griffin
@sincerelysimoneg

She used to dream of motherhood the way she dreamt of the ocean—a desired
destination calling her name. 

She imagined she’d tiptoe and ease her way into its sparkling waters. But the moment
she became a mother, she found herself in the abyss—flailing to escape deep
loneliness and loss of identity. 

The mother she imagined was swallowed up by harsh waves of reality, roaring with
doubt, insufficiency and guilt.

She desperately desires to be the kind of mom who rides the waves of motherhood
instead of being consumed by them. 
But how can she relax when she needs rescuing?  

In the depths of the unknown, she has a choice:
sink into hopelessness 
or swim for her life. 

Do you see her? 
Trying to find her way back to shore, back to herself? 

Do you hear her? 
Choking on the salty taste of her own pride, resentment and longing for more?

She closes her eyes, sees her children’s smiles and finds her lifeline again. 

The sound of their voices refreshes her. 
She wants to bottle them up like seashells carrying the magical rhythm of the ocean. 

Their arms embracing her neck feels like a life jacket keeping her afloat on the days
when the world feels too turbulent. 

When they say, “I love you mama,” the waves stop raging and everything stands still. 

She wades between the waters of exhaustion and exhilaration.

How is it that her role as a mother can suffocate her but also be her reason for
breathing?

How is it that motherhood can drown her but also make her float? 

Poem by Simone Griffin. Simone is a South Carolina native doing life in the Raleigh, North Carolina area. As wife and mother of two toddlers, she spends her days pouring into her household, serving faithfully in her local church and inspiring youth in her job as a school counselor. Her heart rejoices over a warm cup of coffee + writing, calligraphy, decorating and any other activity that works her creative muscles. She is the author of Glimmers of Hope: A Devotional Workbook for Navigating the Struggles of Womanhood with Grace. You can find glimpses of her life and words over on Instagram.